i'm still trying

i'm  getting mixed signals 

you made it seem like everything would end but you continue to talk to me like you always do

you still send me good mornings:) and call me during break

i feel hopeless because the things you keep doing reassures me but i'm still trembling on the inside

i want to know what you want to say 

i know it might not be a bad thing but that's the feeling i get 

and it makes me uneasy

it makes me want to breakdown

anxiety hits me more often now

heavy breathing the feeling of being stuck the fear that i might die soon

panic constricts me almost every day

yet i carry on shaken dreading the time where my mind takes over

as you send me those signals i'm breaking down more and more

there's a few reasons why i'm not dust right now

there is a foundation that is holding me up

for that i'm grateful though sometimes during panic i want to just break those down

because once you're gone there is no worries no hurt no sadness no nothing

everything disappears

stop sending mixed signals they're crushing more effectively than just telling me straight up