you're not the only one feeling the way you do

there is a monster living in me also, her name is jealousy.

i'm shaken to the core of my very being. i'm not quite sure if it's sadness or anger that seems to have overwhelmed me. there's a spark that lights on and it dies as fast as it is lit. anger can quickly turn into sadness and then into happiness. happiness to sadness and then to anger. there are little things that i wish you could comprehend i wish you could open your eyes and see the things that others cannot. i'm looking out to a place where you might be. that is my focus to get to your little island but the waters are shaky and i see another boat floating your way. i want to calm these waters and not drift too far. i can't help but think that the other boat will reach you before i do and as i think that tears run down my face yet i still press forward.

one there are things that you do that make me wonder things that you say. i want to know exactly what i am to you because honestly i'm not sure anymore. there things you do irritate me but i put up with it without a single word. there is no person no animal nothing and no one that is perfect and we seem to agree on that. there is a feeling that's bugging me nagging me telling me that you haven't told me the whole truth and that you are locking things up inside of you because there is still something going on. the things you should have said were left unsaid and now look where it has brought us. there is no connection. no trust from the begining we had an understanging or we just left it alone not knowing how to bring it up. two it was a rocky begining to start off with don't you think? i never knew much about you and you about me and the gossip we heard from others just molded into our minds regardless if they were true or not. the gossip came as a shock and was then embeded into our head. three sometimes i think you don't care. you make it seem like you're in this just because. sometimes i feel you're doing this as a result of an action that you're hearts not there.

i don't know what else to say but i know you've managed to wedge yourself into a place where i wanted to keep locked up for a long time. as i tried to block out everyone you found a way in.