i woke up crying because of a dream.
In that dream i felt warmth. I miss the warmth you provided and the security i felt when i was with you. You made me feel that i was one and only though i wasn't.i won't deny i that i do miss those days but past is past you are the day late friend, the knots to my string for you see when i see him i smile.yet at the same time i wish i could feel the warmth as you did but i can't sometimes because he's too stuck on her. I won't share a person. I don't want someone with feelings for another in the end it fucks me over because i'm always second place.
In my dream you were hurt so i went to aid you as i always do with concern. And we started to talk as we wait for this dumbass person who was trying to get my attention(funny i actually know the guy and like the dream he bugs the shit out of me.) looked for antiseptic. I finally dismissed that person with a " you know i didn't ask for antiseptic so i could talk to you someone is actually hurt and i would rather take care of them than chatting it up with you"as i administered to your wound everything melted away. And you talked to me of your gf now but you asked if i was over you without waiting for my answer you said you must be because of something i was listening to. You put your arm around me as a friend would do and we laughed and chatted but the whole time i felt your warmth once more.
As the dream ended that warmth disappeared and i don't know how it feels anymore. I can't summon the feeling of the dream.it felt so real the second before i woke up and i felt the weight of your arm a second after i woke up but it disappeared a second after. It faded and even if i can still recall the dream. Out of my grasp just like you and him.
I woke up with tears streaming. I guess i want to find the security and that same feeling with him but it's impossible when he cares too much for her, When i feel he's just to hooked in what he left. So i'll cry once more, again, as i've done countless times as adolescents do when they feel that their hearts are breaking and everything feels so wrong/unfair.

is it so hard to give me security?
apparently for everyone it is.
apparently i'm running a race i'll always come second place to.
forgive me and my negative attitude but i'm just about to burn out.
i don't want to like people who are so stuck on their past anymore
i suppose it's my fault for being the stupid one to keep liking those like that.





[Mr.YBG you were right i'm sick of like i'm sick of love it hurts it stinks it's nasty.]