it hurts for me to look back
it scares me to look forward
but when i turn to look to my side
i don't see you standing beside me because you were my past
i don't see you standing beside me because you are yet to be or not be
it feels like you truly care maybe it's a facade
just like the first
somehow it feels wrong but i want to linger
age shouldn't be a factor but we're still young
how do we cope with everything
life lessons aren't taught at school
i want someone that i can look over at and know that they will be by me
they won't cause pain
insecurity wraps around me every step i take i hesitate
forward one step
backwards two steps
do i fall?do i restrain? i'm scared to look at all
forward backwards to my side
i don't know exactly what i feel about this
but first i need to know was it just for that moment or was it something more?
i need to know but i'm afraid to ask
no? it'll just be awkward this thing we have got ourselves into
how would you look at it? gross? disgusting? alright? pathetic?
when is alright? what age do you have to hit to stop all this silly pain that causes more pain than being tortured pyhsically?
the things i want somehow never works out
or i'm just a pesimist that i can't see it work out
better not to get my hopes up to only have them crushed
but if you were down there's no way to go but up
so why not start low,keep it low?
hurt scared alone
this future seems bleak
at this low point doesn't the world seem to stop and all you want to do is fall off the face of the earth?
how do you get up? you need help the help of friends maybe they're not enough
so who else do you turn to when you're hurt looking back scared to look forward?
either way you have to look one way or the others. down and up in this case is not an option but just a feeling
i can say that i want to feel your arms around me and your lips on mine
but i feel guilt like i'm still stuck with him although he has long let me go never looking back
and at the same time i feel like i'm tainting you or that something is wrong
that something will go horribly wrong yet i'm still inching toward you
it feels like there is energy surging but i can't tell if it will lead to any good
sinking
falling
losing self control
losing sanity
my only hope is that you will help me get back on my feet
as wrong and weird as this maybe
because i'm conflicted with the things that you seem to think otherwise