rereading the previous posts i've come to miss several things
my fondest memories are written down as well as the the times where i felt like just giving up on life
april that was the start when i first started writing about you
as i read i realized you're still a lingering presence
i miss those days more than anything
i know those days i was beyond content i was truly happy
i was comfortable with who i was because of you
i don't want to be reliant on you for my happiness
but i think with you, that's the time i can be the most like myself
no mask nothing
i can lay it all out just purely me
i'm not content with myself
i feel so disgusting
your words could always soothe me even though i don't think you put your heart into them
i always get tricked by your words but still it lights me up
i really miss those days
promises of seeing each other
promises of being able to rely on each other for anything and everything
promises of loving forever
my promises still stand but i don't think yours do
you are like a leaf blowing in the wind
it's so hard to catch you again
i simply graze your side
do you see everything is different now
i hardly see you we hardly talk
the distance is growing.
but if i could say something to you now this song says it all:

"I've been to just about a million places,
Sunny skies everywhere and in between,
But just to know I'm right here with you,
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Oh my God you're such a beautiful ----,
With such a wonderful way in such a beautiful place,
The sun is shining and it warms my face,
What a wonderful day I just hope it can stay.

I just want to tell you I love you (I love you), and
everything is gonna be okay someday soon.

I've been to just about a million places,
With placid seas and perfect scenery,
But just to know you're right here with me,
Well you make the perfect company.

Oh my God its true,
If time stood still I'd wait with you,
If time stood still and still it stood I'd be with
you.

I just want to tell you I love you (I love you), and
everything is gonna be okay someday soon.

Lovely love, we're almost in it.
We'll laugh and love in this world.

I just want to tell you I love you (I love you), and
everything is gonna be okay someday soon."

with you and him and them in the past i can't get myself to believe words that leap out of any guy's mouth
they're so empty
there's hardly a time where it shows.
and so i'll withdraw from you even then you guys don't even seem to notice or wonder.
all of you.