won't you please tell me what i mean to you?
all i want is the honest truth
i don't need your sweet words filled with nothing but air
even though that's what i want to hear but if it's not true
it hurts more
i want sweet words filled with soul

-you said before that you would like them to try as hard as you
you said before that you put your all in to caring for them and all you want was the same affection shown back.
you said that you wanted them to put in effort just as you have.

that's what i want too. do you realize that even though you asked for them to care you failed to notice that i put in more effort then you did to care for ALL of you. exactly as you've said i want the effort i put in returned. honestly if you think real hard you know that i don't get all of that back in fact you know that you don't treat me as well as you make yourself believe. are you shaking your head? hmm well then here's something to get you nodding: if i don't make myself known to you with a hello you don't bother to say anything. I HAVE TO BE THE FUCKING FIRST ONE TO SAY ANYTHING TO YOU, TO HANG OUT, JUST TO TALK, TO MAKE FUCKING PLANS if i don't you won't even include me in it. so why do i need people like you as friends, people who treat me like the paint on your walls?

-you said before that i'd never loose you ever.
you said that i could talk to you about anything and everything
you said that you weren't ready for commitment
you said so many promised that are left broken now because you won't even bother to give me the time of day.

my promised with you still stands as strong as i made them. i don't need a smooth talker i need someone that can give me the security that you failed to give me. yes this might seem selfish but that's how humans are greedy for their well being. the thing is i think i at least deserve promises that are kept. i think i deserve the straight up truth yeah it'll hurt but when you just tell me honey filled words i'll be more hurt in the end and my pride would be bashed. i don't need it anymore i'll shut down my heart and close my ears. i don't need people like you to fall for. i want stability, security, honesty.

i realized in the past and i guess the present that i've fallen for the ones that hold baggage. the ones they can't let go. him and him and you. the baggage i have are made from the ones that were holding on to baggage before. at least i have slowly shaken it off bit by bit. you hold on tight never letting go. i suppose it's my fault for falling for people like that three times in a row. i know i have baggage but you see if you and i both have things we are holding on to how heavy would it be to carry. we'll be crushed under the weight of it all. so what do i do now? he has fallen and so has he and you are falling away.

prove me wrong that this group of friends is something i need in my life because right now i can't believe it is, it's something i want. prove me wrong that it's not as i make it seem. i'm not game over i'm just stepping out on the sidelines for a bit to see if you actually care. don't mad at me for not believing anymore but can you really blame me when you hardly ever show that i matter?