the sun was glistening off the water clear blue skies with puffy white clouds...

that's how the day started such a perfect day smiles all around. days like this one doesn't come that often in my world even if in the real world it's sunny almost everyday almost everyday is a paradise in the real world but in my world days like this come every so often they come in waves. they roll in and roll out. this morning when i woke up everything was perfect my parents alraedy gone out of the house it was quiet. i had a morning cigarette and i was at peace. such a weather should not go to waste and i got ready to go out a day planned for the beach the one day in the week that i could see cody and all the tlk boys for a full day with out school taking up this precious time we have together. that one day. i wish i lived closer then things would be a bit more bearable but since i don't i just have to make do with what i have. funny how TLK has grown on me with that one week we spent together. that week i'll never forget that one spring break. today it was just me yuki chayvis riley and cody. ah after a hard and hot trail we reached water. although i didn't swim i sat on the rocks watching as cody and chayvis jump off the log as they tried to master back flips. i watched riley jump off the log. i watched yuki finally get into the water and swim happily as the touch of water surrounded and cooled her skin. i watched the sun glisten off the water making the water shimmer like there was fairy dust. the whole while to this place and at moment as i watched the water i kept repeating in my head on such a beautiful day please don't take a life away... the whole while i was praying for a girl, who i didn't even know who was bitter towards me probably who had a place forever in cody's heart ,to survive. i know that if something went wrong cody would die a bit inside and sadness would overtake him. to see the tears run down his face would make me cry along with him. today that phrase "on such a beautiful day please don't take a life away especially not hers not anyday until she is old and content" ran through and through my mind. it was a good day though. everyone was laughing and smiling have a good time. it was a good no GREAT day. the time at the beach i was an observer yet it was still fun. everytime i'm with them i have fun and i always know that they can put a smile on my face. after the beach we went back to shower up and chill at cody's house. haha honestly i don't know what we did there we just sat around talking here and there. when 5:30 rolled around we piled back into the car and headed towards the mall. in that care ride a feeling hit me. that feeling seemed to darken the clouds over head. something bad is going to happen something horrible is going to happen. i felt that once i say good bye to them to go home later on that i won't see them for a long time cody in particular. i felt like i was leaving or he would disappear. maybe i'm afraid that the girl would not survive that's what the bad thing is but i refuse to think that way she'll survive i repeated over and over but then it would make sense the bad feeling and feeling like i would not see cody for a long time . if something bad happened to her he would disappear maybe that's what i fear. i fear being alone without him... he has been my happiness after mike had left me crumbled. he's the one that is piecing me back together. without him i would be nothing. and so i wish to be the same to him. i want to help him in anyway i can i want to make sure that tear or a frown adorn his face i want him to know that i love him imperfections and all. no matter what. this bad feeling hasn't left me alone since that time it won't leave me alone until i know the results and i pray that it'll be good i hope that this bad feeling is only from a silly fear...the silly fear that cody probably sensed or at least he knew something was up. he asked and i promised that nothing was wrong after all this is silly isn't it? i told him i thought i wouldn't see him for a long time and he replied well i'll make sure that doesn't happen. a tight embrace held us together i didn't want to leave today i just wanted to stay out pull a all nighter with the boys so that way i could be with cody too but no here i am at home still hoping... this sunny beautiful day has turned grey in my mind it has altered....